It breaks my heart.

The problem I feared is the problem that's occurring.

I can't meet people, I haven't met people. It's only been a week and a half. Give it time. That's rational, right? But right now all I want to do is go home and see my parents and my girlfriend and my dogs and everything that's familiar to me. Everything I disliked about Rancho Cucamonga I long for now. The traffic, the people, the everything. At least it's familiar.

And everything I loved about home is spinning around into a giant knot of longing. I want Kelley. I want her so bad that it hurts me inside to only be able to text and to talk with her over the air. So much air separating us and all I want to do is breathe next to her. To go home to her, to feel her warmth and her smell. I miss her so much.

I miss the way my dog Annie would harass you until she could lick your face. The way Alvie would growl at everything and it'd just sound like he had something stuck in his throat. The way my dad laughs. The way my mom eats popcorn with a glass of milk. The TV. I miss the Game Show Network and, soon, I'm going to miss the baseball games.

So I'll chunk it out and deal with it piecemeal. First, and foremost: Kelley. I'll get to see her and all of this in a month. But it'll never be enough. I know that the summers and the spring breaks and the winter breaks and the weekends will never be enough.

But I enjoy my classes so goddam much that I'm now stuck in this paradox of wanting to go home but also wanting for monday when classes rotate around and begin again. My professors are so interesting and it's all so awesome... But once class ends, I am stuck again with no friends for now.

It'll all come to pass... Except probably the missing Kelley bit. I couldn't get enough of her when I was home. And now I have to get all it and more in a single once-a-month swoop.